Delusional Paranoia

I have dumped the chump, at last.

What began nearly five years ago as an exciting sexual adventure became a hideous disaster. The lumpen creep living on my sofas, eating my food, drinking my liquor, smoking my bud had to go.

If two or more persons choose to be in a relationship, i.e., relate to each other, they will either need to both change or neither change at all. For one person to change and another to stay exactly where they were, or to regress to a pre-verbal state, does not bode well.

It would be hard to believe that pictures "before" and "after" are really of the same guy...

Before:
















After:

Marriage...and going all the way

I'm just thinking that heterosexuals take the whole marriage thing way, way too seriously...and way too casually at the same time. Little girls are brain-washed into thinking that they have to get a husband, that their wedding day is going to be their "special" day and the most important day of their lives...ick.

My friend Nathan nearly married a harridan who was incredibly hateful toward his 8-year old daughter. This gal has three children by her failed marriage, and there was no way she was going to give Gracie any motherly attention. When I first asked him how things were going, he got all excited and said that he had been thinking about things and was going to ask the woman to marry him.

Ooof. I suggested he wait a bit, see how they get along, see what happens when they've blended families for a time...so he moved her and her kids into his house.

They trashed his house, filthed it up, and showed him a total lack of respect. The woman takes her own career much too seriously to give any thought to Nathan's. She likes to shop, and she drained his bank account with her old debts and some new ones. She broke his mother's heart, took his truck and made his dog fat. To top it all off, she continued to show blatant favoritism toward her own children, especially her youngest daughter who is just a year younger than little Gracie. It broke Nathan's heart to hear the woman and her daughter giggling and sharing in the next room while he tucked his little girl into her quiet bed at night.

Well, during one discussion with Nathan (prior to the move-in) we were talking about his daughter, who is the center of his world. He exclaimed that her wedding day would be the happiest day of his life, and punched the air with his fist in anticipated delight.

"A wedding is fine," I offered, "but isn't it more important that the person she chooses to spend her life with, if she chooses to spend it with someone, loves her and cares about her? and what if she can't marry that person, because it's against the law? Isn't it more important that she grow up with coping skills and social skills and the ability to be happy in life?"

I love me some Nathan. He's always happy to explore new ideas.

Dog Stuff

As I was enjoying my Cincinnati Bowtie, I realized that while dogs may lick their balls because they can, dogs sniff another dog's ass because that dog allows it. Stick your snout up the wrong bung hole and you risk getting it bitten off.

Someone suggested that the dog sniffs another dog's ass to get rid of the aftertaste of the previous one. Very guy type thing to say, don't you think? The dog was probably an unneutered male, too.

Oh, and after my earlier posting I googled the expression, and discovered that there is a brown version, which pops up in first place. Secondarily their is a hyphenated version that involves penetration of the partner's tracheatomy.

I assure you all that it is the third most popular definition of the term that is the only version that I shall ever willingly re-acquaint myself with.

Had to Say It

So I was enjoying a post-concert Frenet at my favorite slate bar a night ago. A recent acquaintance, who lives-in with a friend on staff, swung by to offer her a ride home. Since it was a symphony night, naturally the conversation turned to musical instruments.

"Do you know what a 'rusty trombone' is?" Eric asked.

"Of course!" I explained, "I used to play the trombone in school."

The topic of sports was hopeless, so we quickly moved to fashion.

He asked me if I had heard of a "Cincinnati Bowtie" and I answered, honestly, that I had not. Well, it's a move that puts the supine partner face up, with the testicles of the dominant player resting on the supinates larynx, hence the reference to neckwear. In Eric's version, the decorative neckwear is simply a secondary note behind the chief purpose of this position, which allows for intra-boobular frottage.

"And where is the sitter's be-hindage?" I asked, horrified by the answer that I already knew.

"That ties it! Susan, YOU have to do all of the cooking in the house! NO BROCCOLI FOR YOU, ERIC!"

Little did I suspect that within a few short hours I would be wearing just such a bowtie. Shudders (of delight)!

One thing I absolutely learned tonight, when two guys go at it you really can end up with man juice EVERYWHERE. Jeez'n'cheese.

I've also become more ponderously intrigued by experiencing orgasm as a full-on banquet, and not just the dessert. Yum! I'm stuffed!

Drama Major

Tonight I saw a fantastic production of "The Pillowman" at Berkeley Rep. The play is Martin McDonagh's second work produced under the spot-on theatercraft of The Berkeley Repertory Theater.

McDonagh explores the role of the imagination in creating stories that are more interesting than the simple re-telling of things that happen in everyday life, and the responsibility of the story's creator for a story worth acting out by others who perhaps are only seeking to raise the level of their personal experience out of the humdrum and ordinary.

...and how about Shakespeare and that Pygmie in a box?

M

Honest Encounter

A Group of middle life women were having lunch, and were admiring the scenery wharfside on a drizzly winter afternoon.

Down at the water's edge, a surfer had suffered a twist or a break in his foot or his leg. As he sat on the shore waiting for the medical professionals to arrive, a small cluster of surfers kept him comfortable, warm and hydrated. Several feet away stood a concerned clutch of observers, and further back passersby glanced over curiously.

The women couldn't take their eyes off of the scene. The three with their backs to the action kept flipping their heads around to keep up with the action.

Said one of the gals, in disgust, "Oh, look at those two guys on the pier. One of them is looking over there with binoculars!"

The other gals clucked in shared disgust.

"Hey - there they go!" said another woman. "They're cutting off his pants! Why do you suppose they always cut off their pants?"

The women all sighed in unison.

It's NOT "TV"

Tonight I relaxed with the pugz to catch up on the second season of "Rome." I was completely behind, and my DVR was getting backed up.
Further research will be required to verify this theory, but isn't at least one episode a straight transposition of a screenplay for "Deadwood"?