The Strange Loves of Varla Jean Merman

Varla Jean Merman Loves a Foreign Tongue! is filled with love and laughter, delivered at the tender hands of the superbly talented Jeffery Roberson as the eponomous Varla Jean Merman.
The surprises included an intimate dance number featuring conjoined twins exchanging deep-tongued kisses, the head of Joni Mitchell and a new installment of the ever popular, "Don't Eat Out, Varla Jean!" series. (the first episode featured Sal Minelli, a very raw chicken whose bacteria drove it to mean ends)
As she takes us on a trip around the world, Varla Jean reminds us that it is filled with wonder.
Hurry, while there's still time, to book tickets for Varla Jean Merman's upcoming engagement at a chic, upscale venue near you! (http://www.varlaonline.com/upcoming.html)

It's a triumph of a show that could only be overwhelmed by the closing of another cabaret icon.
The Plush Room survived prohibition, Charles Pierce, Lypsinka, and Lainie Kazan, but they were only talented bumps in the road of entertainment that lead, ultimately, to Jeffery Roberson and Jacques Lamarre's outrageously entertaining and engagingly integrated evening of multimedia cabaret performance.

The intimacy of the Plush Room complements the depth of Varla's turn of phrase, as the audience leans in to relish every somewhat sibilant syllable.

Our all-encompassing beneficent memory about this much-loved venue is crowned by Jeffery Roberson's Varla Jean giving us a feast of foreign flavors.

There were no programs handed out on opening night, but Varla Jean's website lists the credits. Mark Cortale, the silver-throated tenor who can fit in my pocket any time, treated us to a romantic duet with Miss Merman.

Fans of Varla Jean Merman will go wild for this new show. Newcomers who are lucky enough to have friends who are already fans and who bought them tickets in advance will be new fans. Those who only just heard about Varla Jean Merman, check for an upcoming performance at a chic transformational venue near you.

Needs More Pugs

How I Love my Roofer

Liam is one of the most handsome men I have ever met.
His are deep blue eyes, dark hair, and clear skin bronzed from working in the sun. He’s so impeccably attractive that just a flash of that brilliant smile is enough to convince you that you never, ever, would willingly forget the impression you had had from just that congenial shared moment. You want this man to live a long and healthy life, bringing forth generations of beautiful, healthy people with a lovely, sensitive wife with whom he shares a special and everlasting bond.
Liam installed a “Dur-O-Last” roof on my home. The roofing material is sheet goods consisting of two layers of polyvinyl chloride overlaying a fiberglass mesh. Liam spec’ed the roof and ordered pre-sized sheets from the factory, which he and his crew assembled and seamed using a heat gun to melt the edges of PVC sheeting together.
Liam has twice been hospitalized for treatment of a cerebral tumor. He is newly wed to a beautiful young gal with whom he has one child, who is perfect in every way except she will grow up without her father.

Pug Pillows

My Lulu squirmed her way onto the couch, into the cushions, reveling in the warmth. Before we could snuggle, however, a horse appeared on the tv and she flew away.

Isabella is very good company on a chilly night. She is always ready for a good warming cuddle. She is a wonderful, loving presence in my lap.

As I was pondering Heather's loss and the experiences she and Ruby must be having with the new girl in town, and remembering that Heather and I agree that it is important for dogs to "say" (or sniff?) goodbye to a fallen packmate, I wondered whether Heather had kept Lulu, or buried her, or burned her body.

Cremation seems so wasteful, don't you think? Such a beautiful creature who lived her life in love and luxury would make an incredible plush toy! We could sew one of those cans that low like a cow, so that she could grumble with realism whenever Heather gives her little body a good rocking.

My favorite plush toy was a stuffed koala bear. Its fur was so soft, and snuggly, I would feel safe in my bed at night only I clutched my teddy bear tightly.

Doesn't it make sense that, instead of ditching the livestock just as it's ready to start paying off, we make a few adjustments to raise the value?

All pugs will eventually slip into uncomfortable old age, and no matter how dearly we care for them they will, one day, die. Just when we come to believe that we would find life unbearable without them, they are gone.

Or...are they?

Why stress out yourself, your relationship, your home, by introducing a new animal? Your pug hadn't peed the carpet since you'd last had the floors done over...why chance it? You had to move all the furniture, and the dust was everywhere, and there was no place to sit down for weeks.

Oh, Susan.

We could sew an optional heating pad under the skin. (Oh, you do know how to sew, don't you?) and conceal the plug, well, it should be obvious.

Or, heck, in a few more years if Heather saves all of the skins, she'll have a uniquely marvelous coat or bead throw.

MMMMmmmm.

I wish I had a nice Francesca and Bessie Boo blanket to cuddle under right now.

I'd settle for a nice pair of boxer gloves.

Sucking Oxygen

Tonight's program was focused on an all-live, all-drag re-enactment of two classic "Golden Girls" episodes, complete with period-specific advertisements to which we all knew all of the words, and sang along together happily, in the dark.

Then...Dorothy snapped.

"Would you please stop talking?" she commanded across the footlights.

There were some cute guys jostling each other and enjoying the show, perhaps a bit too boisterously, who were shushed by the sound/light guy (bearded, with a silver ring through his nose) only moments before Dorothy's big break.

I was sitting in the very back of the room, so there was nobody behind me to worry about. I had a terrific vantage point to see everything on stage. The lighting was adequate (we could use a special wash dr3 when the boyfriend sticks his head in the door) and the setting conveyed the reliable feeling of the living room, kitchen, and soup kitchen where the sitcom characters sat.

Jordan's "Rose" was vapid and succulent. Where the traditional Rose is unfailingly blind to any sort of innuendo in her phraseology, Jordan's gal has always got the engine idling, just beneath the surface.

Matthew Martin as the mother of the bride - the bride being her beloved baby brother who has finally come out and decided to bring his boyfriend home to meet the family - stole my heart. Every moment of Matthew's performance is as nuanced and delicate as the original, and it would take you more moments than you have remaining in a lifetime to watch all of the originals, so here you have him. He's an original! I guarantee he will be original to you!

Oh, so who did I forget to mention? Only Mike Finn, who has been "in" the show business since he was a small child. The only opportunity I had previously to watch Finn perform was an early audience at "TROG!" Well, I will now say for the record that I am a fan of Mike's work. He absolutely pays attention to what his character is experiencing throughout a scene, and so he works through the character's interaction with the other characters and surroundings to keep each moment fresh and rewarding in its discovery.

While I'm in context, I should feel safe in agreeing that Mike Finn is a lovely guy, and much, MUCH deeper than he lets on, both because I believe these things to be true about Mike Finn but also because Connie says such horrible, hateful things about Mike.

I passed a delivery truck. On the side of the truck was painted "Popkoff's Frozen Foods" and a portrait of a smiling chef, with a broad face and a slim moustache, proffering a tray of hors d'oeuvres. Could it be...Blanche?

Anyway, back to the oxygen being sucked out of the room...

The sound/light guy shushed the cute guys in the middle, and then moments later Heklina turned and made her request of a sweet young couple who, I then realized, must have been commenting to each other back and forth during the performance although from a distance of ten feet directly behind them I hadn't noticed they had been talking until Hek drew my attention to it by asking them to stop talking.

Ouch.

What is it about that corn?

I thought you should know.

Insidious Thanksgiving VyeRuss

Tonight I received an email warning me of a horrible virus. It was forwarded by a dear friend to whom 47 is a distant memory.

 

The message that he forwarded IS the "virus." It's a Holiday Bump and it's really very sweet.

 

Most "viruses" do things to our computers without our consent. We worry that we'll be stripped of confidential information, suffer identity theft, and end our days in misery and want. In order for them to do anything, they must contain executable code which can hi-jack the operating system.

 

The email is forwarded for no other reason than...to inspire you to forward the email. If you forward the email to everyone in your address book, and each of those people forwards it to everyone they know, traffic could get a little dicey.

 

Here's another one that I just made up. This email contains a virus that causes your front porch light bulb to go out. The purpose of this virus is to cause everyone who reads it to get up and check their porch light. It does not intend to be forwarded to anyone else, because it is so easy to check that the porch light did not, in fact, go out.

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