Car Deal

After the Ravioli died coming off of the freeway two weeks ago, I got worried. The road to the beach house is windy, unlit, mountainous...there's sketchy cell phone reception, at best...the nearest tow truck could be fifty miles away...I had visions of Isabella, Lulu, myself, a mountain lion and a black bear, all hungry, in the dark night...
so I test drove a 2007 Rav4 which has a choice of 4- 6- or 8-cylinder. WTF?? Apparently Toyota is using the same frame for all of their SUVs these days, so there is no more such thing as a "casual" SUV. They're all huge to ginormous. There's also no more standard shift. Retardville!
Huge.
The new Rav4 would not fit into my garage without major reshuffling.

The next day I thought I would try out the Honda CRV and then the Element. The salesman was handsome, and sexy, and he kept touching himself through his pants...I swear to you! I didn't enjoy driving the Element at all, and told the salesman that it "didn't get me hard," and yet...here it is, in my garage. The key selling point for me was its cleanability, and doghair impregnable upholstery. You can literally hose the interior out!! I'm also attracted to the suicide doors, and total flexibilty of the interior as far as seats folding up/folding down/coming out/going down, etc., etc. For 4 cylinders it's a peppy box - I consider it a "camionette" because it's so much like a small truck. It's 4wd, and has an automatic transmission - this so that I can let my chauffeur drive me around, as well as run to PetSmart for pug kibble.

When I was test driving, it was already lunch hour and my blood sugar was low. So was my blood alcohol, no doubt. I signed up for 2.9% financing, and traded in the Ravioli for $4700. In sudden remorse, I finagled the Rav back from them in exchange for a check...it felt devious, but justified when I saw that Kelley suggested a $7700 private sales price. I had made the deal on Friday, and owed them the title...on Sunday I called to ask the hot salesman if I could buy the Rav back, and he put me on hold before telling me that it was "absolutely too late - sorry." The next day(Memorial Day) the finance guy called to see if I had dropped off the title, and I asked him the same thing...and, voila! he was willing to do anything to keep the customer happy, so of course if I would simply bring them a check they would give me back the car...

and then the meager accessories that I bought at the same time I bought the car - a cargo net, a floor mat, and a roof rack - came in, and we scheduled installation for "all day saturday." The special storage armrest (for property keys, methinks) had come in on Wednesday, but they wouldn't install it for me because, technically, I had not bought it as part of the new car contract. I had ordered it the day after I signed the contract. Oh, and just as I was picking up the car on Saturday evening, the parts department turned off their light and closed, so I couldn't take the arm rest with me to install myself. Well, when they called me to find out how happy I was with their service, I told them exactly what I thought about the armrest situation and they offered to install it for me. I felt like such a cunt, but, heck, it took them all of 15 minutes and they had kept the car ALL DAY SATURDAY Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. I'll write them a nice thank-you letter, and name names. Management loves that the most.

so when I was pulling into the garage on Saturday, with my newly installed roof rack, I drove forward very slowly. I know that there would be very little clearance now with the blue bicycle hanging from the ceiling. Nothing...nothing...nothing...then BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!! The roof rack had not only made contact with the bicycle, but at my delicate pace it had lifted the bicycle off of the pegs, and dropped it onto the roof and hood of the car. Nice work, at 312 miles, eh? You will be thrilled (I hope) to learn that I was able to leap from the Element and, reaching around the door, grab the bicycle with my left hand and hold it up, preventing it from tumbling onto the TT. Phew! Cunt karma stings!

Then the wheel turned again, and I sold the Rav for $6500 - even with black smoke coming out when it's started. Oops.